Hi Twenty Seventeen

Few hours left to welcome 2017 and as years before, I am just enjoying myself sitting and listening to music from a new TV inside of my own room. Yeaaayyyyy!!!! I decide to listen a full concert of James Morrison for now. While Mas Asong is away to have a party at his friend’s house. 

2016 is not really what I expected. I can say I am kind of proud of my life better in 2015. 2016 kind of goes quiet flat. I just go to work on weekdays and hang out on weekend with friends. I don’t have big achievement, neither time to have a big solo journey. Though somehow, I am such really blessed having many lovely office friends who always make me more crazy. I previously thought it was kind of hard finding crazy mates after college but this is it, I can still find them. 

Something that I have planned for the next one or two years is I am not wanting to be in a relationship. Idk, I am just scared of a man or maybe I am just not confident enough of myself. Year hasn’t even changed yet but that plan seems to be by perforce, considered again.

Last week, Mas Asong, dad, and I went to look for a house since Mas Asong will get married next year. After a tiring journey taking a look to more than five houses, we had lunch at a mall nearby while discussing which house we preferred for Mas Asong. Suddenly, my dad said “Hopefully, you can also have one later on ya, Dek”. Then I replied “Yeah, ofc I would have one too, Pak but it depends on my husband later where he would stay”. Dan ternyata, my dad added “Hopefully you could already bring him to your brother’s wedding next year”. Great, my plan is ruined. 

God, marriage is still a really really far away from my plan. Even I am not in the mood to find any interesting man. Something I never forget to say in my prayer is that God, please make this heart settled for not having interest to any kind of man for right now. When I start to kind of like a man, please just stop it as soon as possible. Just make this heart neutral and uncommitted to anybody. 

Ah, I can’t wait to enjoy my consecutive leave next week. I have my flight schedule at 07.55 PM. I have to go all the way from Sudirman. Do you think I can make it less than 3hours? 

Anyway, I am just gonna go to another big island within this country but honestly, I barely arrange my trip, not even make the itinerary yet. Furthermore, I only have my one way ticket. I don’t know which city will be my last stop to end the journey. So, yeah I am gonna buy the ticket back to Jakarta later.

To sum up this 2016 which is closely going to an end, maybe in some ways you have a perfect plan inside of your mind but again, we are not living with only ourselves. There is always a time when you are forced to beat your ego and see if somebody else’s want will work for your life. Maybe my first experience in something doesn’t work well but I am learning much things from that. I am not chasing any deadline, I swear. Whatever it is, I choose what makes my heart settled and what best for my future life. 

Lastly, Happy New Year everybody. Be good always, my dear 2017!

Different Sides

It’s good to know that we are closely going to face another year. 2016 only has five days left while awaiting for the new year to come, I still gotta struggle finishing work at 8 pm or more everyday. Last week, my friends and I skipped two Japanese classes because we still had much things to do. You could guess what time we would go home when 9.30 pm was a time when we’ve skipped class . Fyi, it took 2 hours for one class.

This week, I cried already once in the morning when a fucking dumb driver spitted upon me. HE SPITTED UPON ME AND HIS SPITTLE SPURTED INTO MY SKIN. Damn him!!!. I cursed him angrily for sure at the beginning but once he did something such what a hick do, I started to cry. I mean, I really don’t like people hitting me physically. If he wanted to have an argument with me, I would be pleasure to compete against his words but once he acted like a hick, I really didn’t like that, kind of filth and desecrated my body. Just go to hell, boy. Whatever! Let’s forget it. Hope God still wants to bless his life.

Another thing happened within this week. When last Saturday, I failed to see my doctor since he was celebrating Christmas so, he served to see his patients one day before which means on Friday night (while I went back from office at 8.30 PM on Friday night). I know somebody from the clinic called me during work hours on Friday. She called twice. I saw those incoming calls in front me but For God’s sake I couldn’t pick the call because I was on the other line dealing with my customer. That bustle :(

Finally, I decided to go to a salon around Pengadegan to have my hair cut and masked. It was already 05.30 PM I know, then the salon only agreed to receive hair wash and hair blow only because she said she already did 77 customers that day. Make sense sih it was Christmas night.

On the way back home, I met an old woman who said she was 114 years old. I didn’t know whether I should believe her or not. Come on, 114 makes a little possibility to be that strong. Yeah, though I couldn’t judge that she was lying too. Not lying probably, she just couldn’t remember her age properly. She said she was being a laundress in Jakarta while she is living in Bogor. Oh God, please bless her life here and afterlife. She has struggled enough to take care of her children after her husband passed away. She has two children and she raised them until they graduated their bachelor and they’ve got married now. She’s been so infirm while her back’s crooked already. I asked her why she didn’t take any job order near her area and she said people don’t have a heart to keep her working. While situation forces her to still earn for her own life. When I was about to pay her minivan fare, a woman has got ahead of me. Finally I could only took her to station and top up her card quiet enough.

It’s just some nano-nano about this week. When one thing makes you angry and just wants to curse somebody to go to hell but another thing happens to knock your heart down.

Another Long Weekend

Welcome to another long weekend found in this year. Feeling so peaceful knowing tomorrow is Monday but I am still having so much time to do what I want, one of them is writing.

My brother just came back from Bogor. Let him having a good dating time wkwkwk as long as he got everything I requested. Things which I beg everytime he goes there are Tuna Lasagna from Makaroni Panggang and Original Klappertaart from Klappertaart Huize. Some other foods are still always be on my list these days. I often randomly think about yamin noodle, prata bread with chicken curry, and also cane bread with chocolate cheese as its toppings. Kalo roti cane berawal dari temen-temen kantor yang tiba-tiba pesen mie aceh buat makan siang but since I always bring my own lunch, I chose the sweet one as the dessert.

Another thing I have been addicted to, is this game called Fashion Empire on my phone. I am kind of sad on the other hand since I really can’t get away from my phone since I bought this from a friend some months ago. Meanwhile, I had even none of games on my previous phone.  Kalo kata mas asong yang sering mergokin gue main Fashion Empire pasti nyeletuk “Gila ya lu bener-bener all day long ya sama itu game” :)
But this game becomes viral since I figure out two of my office friends suddenly told me “Tiiiii, I am playing it too because of you, ti” Kan kena juga mereka. Woohooooo.

So many tabs are opened in my browser. I am starting to select what places I have to go on my consecutive next year (probably fall on January or February 2017). I was thinking out of country but since I only had a week, I changed the plan to list  a big island inside the country. Still making some choices and dividing it into Plan A, Plan B, Plan C, etc . Which area I am supposed to begin with and what point could be probably great to end up with. 

Some people might have said that I am such a freak to have a trip with just only me. Even when it’s still around this circle in town, I choose to make it there by myself. Sounds pathetic? Not really, I think because it’s quiet hard finding a travel mate who is really willing to go with you and who really wants to go to the same direction with you. While I am always thinking when I have time right at this second, why would I have to be waiting for a mate when I could go all the way with just myself? Moreover, I could guarantee that 95% people I met along my way are basically generous and kindhearted. 

I spend this long weekend starting from yesterday, I just randomly went to North and rent a canoe to take me closer to some ships docking in that harbour. I luckily met my canoeist from Sulawesi. He was really kind to me and he told me much things along my journey. He was like my guide to understand how a harbour life is. He really responded well to every question I asked. He explained the answer deeply so that I could understand more from it. He always smiled. He even pulled over the canoe because I said to him that I really wanted to get on the docking ship. Then he helped me to get up and climbed into the ship. It was a ship loading for sacks of cement. They were gonna sail to Sumatera according to its crew. Then I asked my canoeist, how it could be possible to get me on the ship while I didn’t saw you knocking or having an excuse to the crew. He answered, “It was because most of this ship’s crew are also coming from Sulawesi, so I am brave enough to get you here because they are my friends”. Duhhhhhhh sweet kan.

While after a tiring yesterday, I got a little pampered treatment as recovery. Today, I accompanied my mom to visit one of her best friend who is getting sick. On the way heading home, we took a little time to go to a salon. My treatment went to a package of haircut, and hair spa with a back therapy.

Night fellas…

Maturity

People have different thoughts about what maturity really defines. Some people say that maturity is not regulated by the calendar, and indeed it is really not. When I was going to an art exhibition couple weeks ago, I heard a writer said that maturity comes when a person can be completely who he is in front of his society. Hmmm, not too specific as what I expected, though. It is hard somehow to know exactly or to generally conclude what people think about maturity. Sometimes, people whom I thought they have been mature enough, they suddenly acted out of my sense, and think irrationally. The truth is, no one I think grown up completely and perfectly mature. A person says we are mature in one realm but childish in another. Remember about theory of two sides in everything. Positive and negative, black and white, up and down, good and bad, etc.

To me, being a mature person is about how we make constructive ideas inside of mind based on reality. Maturity is somewhat about facing the real situation with real common sense to have the idea how to solve it, and of course serious about that. It is also added by controlling emotion so nothing like terrible things happen or make people having cold war between each other. Because to me, maturity forces us to beat our ego. That is also thing which differentiates them with teenagers. Once you decide something in your life, you gotta be serious and stable about it.  That's why sometimes maturity is friend with consistency.

In life. people commonly demand about stuffs more than they need. I have just watched a documentary video about climate change and as a final thought, it says we have to start changing what we want into what nature can safely provide us. Hidden idea here is about being able to conditioning life based on reality. I agree with some quotes saying that maturity is about understanding the situation and understanding about small things. Yeah maybe in my words, it could be defined as understanding and accepting whatever happens in our life. Furthermore, a mature person always conduct the action which is acceptable to the major of society both ethically and morally.

Yes, we are not supposed to define maturity from only one aspect. It contains of many related points which I am actually still trying to figure out and learn more. The hell part is back again to realize that maturity is a subjective topic. A judgement which has to be adjusted based on what each person thinks.


What is maturity to you?

Aug 17. 2016

Use a really precious day off for the best thing you can do. So, today I will wash my clothes by myself (again). Ah this clothes and everything seem not having an end, yet. Whereas I just actually took my 10.3 kg of laundry yesterday. I predicted that today they will be closed due to Independence Day but then I was not right. I took a cab from the station right after I went back from work. The driver even wondered if there is nothing like a laundry place closer to my house. I answered that I’ve been their subscriber and because they’ve been really kind and we always had jokes. 

Jakarta at rush hour time been so extremely terrible. Traffic is everywhere. You could only sit and think suddenly how much money a cab driver could collect from customer in a day. Added by online ojek around these days while my driver was approaching 60 or even more than that I assumed. He got gray hair and he is Javanese. When I entered the car, he was talking to somebody over the phone and he activated the loudspeaker tone so that I could hear everything and that he spoke in Javanese. So, I understood what he talked to her :”)

I get so lucky recently. Mas Asong is finally placed in Sudirman. So, for these couple days, I didn’t take train to go to work. We took motorbike and I got off right in front of WTC Sudirman and walked for minutes to my building. I know it’s farther than walking from station but I could take my time more to get ready because I didn’t have to leave home early at 6.30 am. We both usually left home at 7.00 am. I always wake up earlier and if I am not lazy, I will prepare our lunch box for me and Mas Asong. Yah, a freshly regular staff like us should’ve brought our lunch from home. 

Another luck is because I will get one day of my annual leave this Friday. Horeeeee. I am going to see sand. I honestly don’t really like beach and its everything around. Maybe because I can’t swim haha but I am gonna judge myself I am a stupid one if I decided not to go when I had a chance. Let’s heal this heart, scream as loud as I could, see the sky from above, enjoy the beach sand, wear the cool sunglasses the way I want. Let’s chill this feeling out from any anxiety in the midst of this young adult life. While for a real holiday next year, when I’ve been allowed to take my consecutive leave, I am still figuring out where to go. I’ve had some places inside of my head. Maybe you got brilliant idea?

Anyway, I am trying to minimize me drinking sweet tea. People know that everyday I cannot stop drinking one of my favorite things. Every morning, I always go down to convenient store to buy somewhat like Teh Kotak, Es Tee, or Teh Botol Sosro. I know it’s not good for this body but it’s hard for me to stop it. Added by my habit drinking cappuccino too. Makin makin kan. My mom has mad at me related to that routines. Furthermore, my parents also know that my cholesterol is high. Yeah yeah they always say I have to reduce eating fast foods. Mereka bilang “Gitu sih adek gak pernah makan di rumah, main terus, tapi makannya juga nggak bener di luar”. Okay mom, note it. 

Last Thursday, my mouth trembled when I was telling my mom that Widya’s brother needed some blood donors. Then in the next morning, I planned to go visiting him with Olly but I didn’t expect my job could be done before 5.00 pm. That’s why Olly and I finally cancelled our plan to go together after work. We could imagine at that kind of hours from Sudirman to Fatmawati must be so suck. But suddenly at about 4.30 pm Olly texted me that the road was quiet friendly and not having much of traffic from Sudirman to Fatmawati. That’s why I simply decided to go that evening. Untung dapet kang Gojek yang mahir jadi dilewatin jalan-jalan kecil. Gue udah bilang “Mas, aku harus ke RS Fatmawati tapi jam besuknya cuma sampe jam 7. Tolong disesuain ya, mas” Terus dia bilang “Oh bisa mba bisa tenang aja paling nanti jam 6 udah nyampe sana”. Setelah ditanyain mulu sama Olly dan Galih udah dimana, jeng jeng, bener dong pas banget di jam gue itu jam 6 sore, gue turun di depan IGD RS Fatmawati :”)

The next day, I came back visiting him again and Thank God doctor said he could go home at that day. When I was about to leave and my Gojek driver was ready, as usual I hugged her and finally couldn’t hold these tears. Ahhhhhh why do I have to be so this weak sih -__-

And because there was her closest someone, then I ashamed of my face. Seconds later, I said goodbye. Ngeluyur aja karena malu.

Yes, it’s what happens. You can simply wet your eyes worrying about people you love. You have heavy thought, what they’ve been through, what they’re doing, what they’re gonna do afterwards, how actually their feeling is. When they are getting sick, from the deepest of your heart, you really worried about them, worried that much till you could suddenly cry without you even notice. Wherever your physical is, but your heart and soul must be always around them and so is your prayer. The hardest thing is when you see them sick directly in front of you. That's one of the real fear is defined. The truth is, the ones you love will make you cry even more, either in positive or negative way. The point is one, it’s just because you care about them that much. If you don’t care, you never really give a shit about them. Whatever happens with them, you can close your eyes and just simply walk away. 

Ah yasudah lah ti. Just wake up, feel the real world for your own self, see the positive things around. God always blessed you with everything good for your life. The more you make step, the more you walk, the more lessons you can get, and the more it also brings you to meet people who need your hand. Help them as many as possible. 

Am I writing too long? Well, Happy Independence Day for my beloved country.

July 23rd, 2016

Hi people.
 

What are you up to in this kind of Saturday night?
Today, I went to veterinary to have my cat vaccinated and examined another one who’s getting flu currently with Kak Sani. After I got home, some relatives were home to visit us and suddenly I heard a postman coming to deliver a letter from Yogyakarta. Why are you always being so cute sih ka??? :")

Thank you so much for always reminding me about the good things. I promise you that this heart will always try to be strong till any despair won’t even change that. Thank you so much for such a lovely and cutie self-made craft. I feel so proud to be one of those you sent this sweet thing to. Thank you for all the stories, the learning session about future, women life, and so many inspirational things I have discussed with you since we knew each other. You know that I miss you.

Well, I have just done with my laundry. This Saturday night I took my little time to do laundry my own. I feel so grateful my appetite has just come back after I barely want to eat anything during Fasting month and even after Lebaran. I forced myself to go to work in the last day of working before Lebaran came but after I went home, I felt more terrible. My temperature was getting higher, my body was shivering and couldn’t help it. I was forced to go seeing a doctor but I said I didn’t want to. I got scolded by my mom since I didn’t want to take any medicine because I just believe that I was gonna be healed naturally but shit I was wrong. My mom got me medicine and I felt better but then in next day, that pain came back and that day I gotta go to Solo by train in the evening. My head felt so heavy and I really sensed bad condition inside of my body. One of my friend reminded me to bring my medicine with me during my trip and I simply said I was too lazy. You know what? A minute before I left home, I saw my medicine though there was only one tablet left, I chose to take it and carry it with me. Thank God, I needed it on the train.

D-Day of Lebaran, my parents told me to go to a doctor. Since my insurance could only cover me in certain hospitals, I chose to go to PKU Muhammadiyah Solo for the nearest one. The doctor asked me if I agreed to have blood test in lab and I said I did agree. He was just afraid if I could be possibly getting dengue fever. Then I knew I wasn’t but according to him, I still had tendency to have typhus. God, you know how I felt like. I mean, it was kind of holiday and I got sick :(

Everybody says I am getting thinner. Most of them guess that I get stressed and whatever but hey I don’t, really. I honestly still don’t know the reason why I lose my appetite for more than a month and it was coincidentally together with me doing fasting in Ramadhan.
 

Now, I have already got my normal appetite. On the other side, my kind of heart feeling is actually getting better and better each day. God really knows how hard I try, how often I pray to get stronger and with all my body and soul, I can move into another chapter. I sincerely have accepted all things happened with every reason that I assumed. Now, I honestly need some days off. I need to travel with just me and my bravery to conquer another strange place. I really wanna go travelling alone, set this mind again to be ready for the new page. Unfortunately, I don’t have that much of time, sadly. 

I don’t wanna hate anybody to be truth and I don’t regret what I have decided in the past. If some friends told me that I shouldn’t have done it from the beginning, then I still could tell them that everything happened gives us something to be learnt.

While For God’s Sake I don’t hate them who have made me cry, not even a little. That’s the positive things I always try to dig and absorb it inside of me. So, proud it somehow? :")

Nothing such hatred, regret, revenge, nor even like estrangement. I hate myself if I am doing that. I am always trying to make positive vibes so that I could also settle this feeling in a good place. You know that I hate a fight, I hate anger, and I hate separation.

I think I am just gonna watch movie tonight. Tomorrow, I have to buy something since I have to attend a wedding party at the evening.

Good night, everybody. Never stop to spout all the positive things for your surroundings.