July 23rd, 2016

Hi people.
 

What are you up to in this kind of Saturday night?
Today, I went to veterinary to have my cat vaccinated and examined another one who’s getting flu currently with Kak Sani. After I got home, some relatives were home to visit us and suddenly I heard a postman coming to deliver a letter from Yogyakarta. Why are you always being so cute sih ka??? :")

Thank you so much for always reminding me about the good things. I promise you that this heart will always try to be strong till any despair won’t even change that. Thank you so much for such a lovely and cutie self-made craft. I feel so proud to be one of those you sent this sweet thing to. Thank you for all the stories, the learning session about future, women life, and so many inspirational things I have discussed with you since we knew each other. You know that I miss you.

Well, I have just done with my laundry. This Saturday night I took my little time to do laundry my own. I feel so grateful my appetite has just come back after I barely want to eat anything during Fasting month and even after Lebaran. I forced myself to go to work in the last day of working before Lebaran came but after I went home, I felt more terrible. My temperature was getting higher, my body was shivering and couldn’t help it. I was forced to go seeing a doctor but I said I didn’t want to. I got scolded by my mom since I didn’t want to take any medicine because I just believe that I was gonna be healed naturally but shit I was wrong. My mom got me medicine and I felt better but then in next day, that pain came back and that day I gotta go to Solo by train in the evening. My head felt so heavy and I really sensed bad condition inside of my body. One of my friend reminded me to bring my medicine with me during my trip and I simply said I was too lazy. You know what? A minute before I left home, I saw my medicine though there was only one tablet left, I chose to take it and carry it with me. Thank God, I needed it on the train.

D-Day of Lebaran, my parents told me to go to a doctor. Since my insurance could only cover me in certain hospitals, I chose to go to PKU Muhammadiyah Solo for the nearest one. The doctor asked me if I agreed to have blood test in lab and I said I did agree. He was just afraid if I could be possibly getting dengue fever. Then I knew I wasn’t but according to him, I still had tendency to have typhus. God, you know how I felt like. I mean, it was kind of holiday and I got sick :(

Everybody says I am getting thinner. Most of them guess that I get stressed and whatever but hey I don’t, really. I honestly still don’t know the reason why I lose my appetite for more than a month and it was coincidentally together with me doing fasting in Ramadhan.
 

Now, I have already got my normal appetite. On the other side, my kind of heart feeling is actually getting better and better each day. God really knows how hard I try, how often I pray to get stronger and with all my body and soul, I can move into another chapter. I sincerely have accepted all things happened with every reason that I assumed. Now, I honestly need some days off. I need to travel with just me and my bravery to conquer another strange place. I really wanna go travelling alone, set this mind again to be ready for the new page. Unfortunately, I don’t have that much of time, sadly. 

I don’t wanna hate anybody to be truth and I don’t regret what I have decided in the past. If some friends told me that I shouldn’t have done it from the beginning, then I still could tell them that everything happened gives us something to be learnt.

While For God’s Sake I don’t hate them who have made me cry, not even a little. That’s the positive things I always try to dig and absorb it inside of me. So, proud it somehow? :")

Nothing such hatred, regret, revenge, nor even like estrangement. I hate myself if I am doing that. I am always trying to make positive vibes so that I could also settle this feeling in a good place. You know that I hate a fight, I hate anger, and I hate separation.

I think I am just gonna watch movie tonight. Tomorrow, I have to buy something since I have to attend a wedding party at the evening.

Good night, everybody. Never stop to spout all the positive things for your surroundings.